By Joe Podorsek (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Friday, August 30, 2002 - 06:45 am:

For all of you who are feeling a little older and
missing those great old tunes, there is good news.
Some of your old favorites have been released
again with great new lyrics to accommodate
their aging audience:


Herman's Hermits --
"Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker"

Marvin Gaye --
"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"

Credence Clearwater Revival --
"Bad Prune Rising"

The Who --
"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"

The Troggs --
"Bald Thing"

Carly Simon --
"You're So Varicose Vein"

The Bee Gees --
"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"

Roberta Flack --
"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

Johnny Nash --
"I Can't See Clearly Now"

The Temptations --
"Papa's Got a Kidney Stone"

ABBA --
"Denture Queen"

Leo Sayer --
"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

Commodores --
"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"

The Rolling Stones --
"You Can't Always Pee When You Want"

Procol Harem --
"A Whiter Shade of Hair"

The Beatles --
"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"

By MEL&THEN SOME (195.219.7.119 - 195.219.7.119) on Sunday, September 01, 2002 - 09:10 pm:

Hi Joe,or theres Lester Piggotts The Gallop,featuring Cliff Nobles Horse.Ronnie Biggs and Come on train,having to break out with Mitch Ryder and going with the Accents on the run.Ending up meeting Oliver Reed and Ronnie Forte,who insist that was whiskey talking,even so Eddie Parker shouts Im Gone then meets Donna King and begs Take me home.MEL(Alias Kaiser Bills Batman at the Go-Go).

By AH (64.159.100.244 - 64.159.100.244) on Sunday, September 01, 2002 - 09:39 pm:

How about these:

1. The Tracks of My Pee - the Miracles

2. Since I Lost My Teeth - The Temptations

3. How Sweet It Is (To Be Bathed by You) - Marvin Gaye

4. Here Comes the Nurse - Shorty Long

5. (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch) I Can't Wipe Myself - the Four Tops

6. Danger, Bowel Movement Straight Ahead - The Marvelettes

7. Falling in the Streets - Martha & the Vandellas

8. Work Out Bowels Work Out - Little Stevie Wonder

9. Every Little Ache Hurts - Brenda Holloway

10. These Kidneys - Junior Walker & the All Stars

By MusicFAn (152.163.189.167 - 152.163.189.167) on Sunday, September 01, 2002 - 11:40 pm:

FUNNY!!!!

By Eli (64.12.96.230 - 64.12.96.230) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 01:41 am:

"Needles only skin deep"

"Come and get these mammaries"

"Kidney stone love"

"Where did our teeth go"

"Ask the boney"

"Two livers"

"I'll try something old"

"Pops we hate you"

"Burninyet"

Eli

By Eli (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 09:26 am:

"Does your mama know me"
"Too busy thinking 'bout my bubba"
"Put those depends on me"
"Upright"
"Baby I need some covers"
"The life you save"
"Danger..bypass dead ahead"
"Are you really sayin' something"
"I want prunes"
"Real bum stinker"
"Don't make me a sorry fella"
"A leg that you can stand on"
"Open the vein to my heart"
"Crusty liver"
"I'll try some new soup"

By Millie (68.40.198.72 - 68.40.198.72) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 09:31 am:

You guys are just too funny!! What a great way to start the day...Labor Day at that! I'm still laughing...at least we're all around the same age, and suffer the same inequities! Keep it up...I need a good laugh periodically!!

Millie

By Eli (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 09:47 am:

I'll send some more laughs...O.K. here goes.
Ha..ha..ha.. har dee har har.. guffaw..
chuckle chuckle..yuk yuk .. tee hee hee.....

By Vickie (64.12.96.230 - 64.12.96.230) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 02:19 pm:

Since I am stuck in doors today - Too Hot to be outside
113 degrees, these got me laughing and inthe mood to listen to oldies today

Thanks all...
Vickie

By Ritchie (62.254.0.7 - 62.254.0.7) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 02:35 pm:

113 Degrees?

That's rising inflation for you - last time I bought one of their records, there were only Three.

By Eli (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 02:39 pm:

"By the time I see my penis"
"Pill water"
"Ill turn to dust"
"My goider"
"Carry me back to old vagina"
"S**thouse"
"I've passed this gas before"
"I'm living in pain"
"Throw up"
"Neville got his blue cross"
"Munchin' at the luncheon"
"Ain't no fountain high enough"
I know they keep getting cornier!!!!!!

B.E.

By Eli (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 02:47 pm:

That's hilarious Ritchie!!!
There probably were 113 degrees all told with replacements and all.
Richard Barrett had a habit of firing folks for no logical reason, myself included.
I worked with them in the early seventies, and one night in Bermuda, I got the boot!!
Several days later their roadie came to get me for a gig in Atlanta. I told them in no uncertain words to go f**k off!!
I'm glad I did 'cause just then P.I.R. got under way and the rest as they say is a mystery!!

By Vickie (152.163.189.167 - 152.163.189.167) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 03:22 pm:

You guys are too funny!!!!

114 degrees now

Vickie

By Laquan (205.188.208.135 - 205.188.208.135) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 03:31 pm:

Yo Vickie. Wassup shoty. Where da 40 be at??
I can sho use a nip right about now.

Laquan

By MEL&THENSOME (195.219.7.26 - 195.219.7.26) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 03:47 pm:

Bobby,just letting you know that i am still on the track regards the bootleg you want to know about.Unfortunatly the couple who have seen one,are still recovering from two all-nighters.Hopefully by wed/thursday they will be on terra-firma,and are calling around.As a backup,i have been in touch with mates who also know it.All say what total crap it is,so if all goes well,and it is as bad as they say,I am considering getting a god dam possee together.(IS THAT SPELLED OK).I just hope that all Ive heard is not a blag.Later,MEL.

By Vickie (64.12.96.230 - 64.12.96.230) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:38 pm:

he Laquan dis is Quisha...me gots my 40 and den sum..

Quisha

By AH (67.25.177.208 - 67.25.177.208) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:55 pm:

A few more

1. My Mind Has Gone - The Miracles

2. Greetings This is Uncle AARP - The Valadiers

3. The Insulin's Alright with Me - The Temptation

4. The Spells - The Original

5. As Long as There Is P-I-L-L-S (Pills) - Jimmy Ruffin

6. Where Did My Hair Go - The Supremes

7. One More Bypass - Marvin Gaye

8. Ain't No Medication Strong Enough - Marvin & Tammi

9. I Guess I'll Always Pass Out - The Isley Brothers

10. It's So Hard Being a Diabetic - the Contours

By Vickie (64.12.96.230 - 64.12.96.230) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 05:10 pm:

113 Degrees

"when will I forget you again"

ok, I am not as witty as you all today...

Vickie

By Ian W (213.122.74.253 - 213.122.74.253) on Monday, September 02, 2002 - 06:03 pm:

Re. another thread:
"Who's Making Tea"

By r (165.235.75.119 - 165.235.75.119) on Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 03:14 pm:

Get Up And Fall Down - The Dramatics
Twist And Shout (from the pain) - Isley Bros.
Could It Be I'm Falling Again - The Spinners
What Dentu-creme Has Joined Together - Smokey
I Could Never Love Another (period). - Tempts
I Know (I'm Losing Hair) - Tempts
Granny Love - Supremes
Walkin' On A Cane With The One I Love - Love Unlimited
Don't Mess With My Pills - Marvelettes

By SisDetroit (67.26.14.253 - 67.26.14.253) on Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 09:50 pm:

LOL - This is so funny.
Sis

By MEL&THENSOME (195.219.7.89 - 195.219.7.89) on Wednesday, September 04, 2002 - 07:01 am:

Honey&the Bees heard that some Dynamite Exploded, they heard The Volcanos shouting Help Wanted so they went to see what was wrong,they were met to see That the Ovations were all Moanin n Groanin (or so )They Say.There was a state of confusion until Spencer Wiggins popped up and said Lets talk it over.When suddenly Kenny Gamble made an appearance,in a state of laughter,telling everyone that The Jokes On You,and a taxi/cab pulled over to Kenny and the driver shouted Carfare back,who only happened to be Herb Johnson.(Boom Boom,Ho Ho,)MEL(alias Butch Bakers the Joker).

By thecount (65.59.39.180 - 65.59.39.180) on Thursday, September 05, 2002 - 08:40 pm:

"the golden years has come at last"
I CANNOT SEE,I CANNOT PEE,
I CANNOT CHEW,I CANNOT SCREW,
MY MEMORY SHRINKS,MY HEARING STINKS,
NO SENCE OF SMELL,I LOOK LIKE HELL,
MY BODYS DROOPING,GOT TROUBLE POOPING,
THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST,
THE GOLDEN YEARS CAN KISS MY ASS
(and the band played on) "COUNT"

By r (165.235.75.119 - 165.235.75.119) on Friday, September 06, 2002 - 12:16 pm:

(Wearing Depends Made Me Realize) It's You That I Need - Temptations

By MEL&THENSOME (195.219.7.107 - 195.219.7.107) on Friday, September 06, 2002 - 01:41 pm:

The Altrnative Restaurant.(For Those Of A Nervous,Restless and Depressed Manner).A Complete a la Cardiac Full Menu,Too Suit Everybodys Tastes. S-T-A-R-T-E-R-S./Reefer Soft Rolls,Seconale or Tuinal Soup,Buttered Nembies,Grilled,Fried or Smoked Roach,With Todays Special of Sulphate Pancakes.M-A-I-N C-O-U-R-S-E. Brisket or Braised Librium,Fillet of Hash,Durasteaks,Dexadrine Pigeon,Home Made Strychnine Goulash.Chefs Special-Black Bomber Brew.S-I-D-E D-I-S-H-E-S(Vegetables)Magic Mushrooms,Hashed Potatoes,with The Chefs Special of Ampheta-Beans.D-E-S-E-R-T-S/Angel Dust Delight,Sweet Red and Brown Banana Split,Chefs Special-Two Tone Pink Blamange.So Come and either Eat,Drink and Be Restless or Why Not Try Out The Nite Owl Suite and the Wide Awake Facilities,Book Early or Late,whichever mood you are in at the time.All night bars serving Coke etc.DR.DEMONIC.

By Ritchie (62.254.0.7 - 62.254.0.7) on Friday, September 06, 2002 - 05:21 pm:

The Temptations revisited:

(I Know) I'm Losing It
Ain't Too Bowed To Beg
The Way We Did The Things We Did
Girl (Do You Wanna Help Me Chew)
I Couldn't Try If I Wanted To
I'll Be Bent Double
It's Groaning
Don't Let Your Bones Get You Down
Geriatric Back
Gum Along And Dance
Plastic Hip
Just My Imagination (That's All I Have Left)
Superstar (Can't Remember Where You Parked Your Car?)

By r (165.235.75.119 - 165.235.75.119) on Friday, September 06, 2002 - 05:53 pm:

And Now, The Miracles:

"Going To A Bingo"
"Ouch, Baby, Baby"
"Flop Around"
"Who's Gonna Tell Me My Name?"
"What Surgery Has Joined Together"
"I Can't Name You At All"
"Whole Lot Of Shaking In My Arms"

By SisDetroit (67.25.205.131 - 67.25.205.131) on Friday, September 06, 2002 - 09:06 pm:

Ritchie - good ones.

By Eli (152.163.189.167 - 152.163.189.167) on Sunday, September 08, 2002 - 09:22 am:

Hey Mel,

Speaking of Herb Johnson, he has a cd coming out next week on Philly Archives entitled Remember Me which can be ordered at www.phillymusicarchives.com and it is essential listening . BTW.. Herb Johnson and the Impacts have some gigs coming up featuring Dave Brown on drums and Paulie 3 shoes hisself on gittar. Herb still sings like a bird.

By MEL&THENSOME (195.219.7.70 - 195.219.7.70) on Sunday, September 08, 2002 - 01:15 pm:

Many thanks for that Bobby,I really dig Herbs music.By the way,glad your still talking to me,I felt really bad about not getting that info for you regards the alternative take of the James Bounty song.MEL.

By Ian W (213.122.136.156 - 213.122.136.156) on Monday, September 09, 2002 - 04:50 am:

"Sit By Me"
"Oh I've Been Dressed"
"Number One In Your Loo"
"Wherever Have I Laid My Hat?"
"My Baby Must Be A Physician"
"When You're Old And In Bed"
"Just Look What You've Done"
"Take Me In Your Arms And Wash Me"
"There's No Starting Us Mow"
"Shake Me (When It's All Over)"

By MEL&THEN SOME (195.219.7.50 - 195.219.7.50) on Wednesday, September 11, 2002 - 08:11 pm:

Top 10 Northern/Rare Soul Sounds At The Weather Centre.1/Nolan Chance,Just like the weather,Bunky/Constellation.2/Daisies,Cold Wave,Capitol.3/Betty Turner,The Winds kept laughing,Crescent.4/The Volcanos,Storm Warning,Arctic.5/Little Jimmy Scott,It Rained 40 days & nights,Giant.6/The Invitations,Ski-ing in the snow,Dynovoice.7/Bobby Hebb,Sunny,Philips.8/Jackie Lee,Darkest Days,A.B.C.9/Demures,Raining Teardrops,Brunswick.10/Jackie Wilson,Nothing but blue skies,Brunswick.Check your local Met.Office for updates.Meteorological MEL.