By Soulpuss (24.102.217.36) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 06:09 am:

I really get a chuckle out of Ebony Rhythm Funk Campaign's "HOW'S YOUR WIFE AND MY CHILD".

Let's hear about your favourites.

By Ritchie (62.254.0.8) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 07:37 am:

Alder Ray Black & the Fame Gang - "Just Because The Package's Been Unwrapped And Opened (Doesn't Mean The Merchandise Is Spoiled)"

By MEL&THEN SOME (195.219.7.84) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 07:44 am:

Titles that are funny are these 2 of the top of my barnet.
Bubblegum Breakthrough and
Afternoon of the Rhino.
(for starters).
mel.

By john dixon (63.101.17.207) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 07:52 am:

it's not r&b but Loretta Lynn once had a song titled "You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly".

By Soulpuss (24.102.217.36) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 07:57 am:

"THEY SAY YOU LOOK BETTER IN THE DARK" from Chilites "Lonely girl".

By MEL&THEN SOME9 (195.219.7.54) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:00 am:

Morrocco Muzik Makers
Pig Knuckles/Motown(1047).

Travis Wammack
Scratchy/Ara(204).

Sam Nesbitt
Black Mother Goose/Amos(154).

Roscoe Gordon's I'm Gonna Snake it and all or most of the material by the hilarious Blowfly.
mel.

By Common (209.2.55.168) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:00 am:

Hello everyone,

"Take This Job & Shove It" by Johnny Paycheck. RIP!

By Nish (66.119.33.135) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:07 am:

"Bowlegged Woman" - Bullmoose Jackson

"Time Takes Care of Everything" - Ravens; Favorite Line: "You're square as a city block, and your dumb too, and then I helped you you turned to somebody new..."

By R&B (138.238.41.118) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:34 am:

AN THEN HE TIED HER UP...AN THEN HE THREW HER ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS...AN THEN THE TRAIN STARTS COMIN...AN THEN...AN THEN..EHEH..AN THEN ALONE CAME JONES,TALL THIN JONES,SLOW WALKIN JONES,SLOW TALKIN JONES,ALONE CAME LONG TALL LANKY JONES!

By Soulpuss (24.102.217.36) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:42 am:

Hi R&B:

And then came King Curtis with that irrestible sax break. Great example!!!

By Soulpuss (24.102.217.36) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:46 am:

Ooops; Spelling boo boo ; Should be : irresistible. I'm a stickler for correct spelling. It sounds anal but that's part of my psyche.

By KevGo (64.115.26.80) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 11:04 am:

Soulpuss:
The Chi-lites song you're referring to is "Homely Girl."

Here's one from their hit "We Are Neighbors" - "..If we all looked the same way, we wouldn't stand looking at each other..."

Kevin Goins - KevGo

By Soulpuss (24.102.217.36) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:04 pm:

Hi Kevin
Thanks for the correction.

Here's some more:

"WISH THAT A MARRIAGE LICENSE WAS LIKE A DRIVERS LICENSE WITH AN OPTION TO RENEW" Chilites "Marriage license"

"THE ONLY TIME YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME, IS WHEN WE'RE MAKING LOVE" PATTERSON SINGERS

By Nish (66.119.34.39) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 10:48 pm:

From Sylvia's "My Thing" - "Into each life some rain must fall, but if I catch you messin' with mine, you won't have no life at all..."

WHOA!

By Eli (151.197.37.243) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 01:40 am:

I'll never forget whats his name.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer

By Mark Speck (65.56.4.85) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 03:18 am:

"How Do You Like Your Eggs in the Morning?" by Francis Albert Sinatra.

Best,

Mark

By PhilH (203.221.53.170) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 03:47 am:

"You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" - Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty

"You Can't Roller-Skate In A Buffalo Herd" - Roger Miller

"May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" - Little Jimmy Dickens (I think?)

From some prog-rock Brits:
"If I Had To Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You" - Camel

"You Broke My Heart So I Busted Your Jaw" - Spooky Tooth

and one from Aussie:
"The Ball-Bearing Bird" (don't ask) - Frankie Davidson

Phil

By Nikki (24.46.200.124) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 12:11 pm:

Mellows - I'm Gonna Pick Your Teeth With An Ice Pick (on Celeste)

How's that for a title?!!!

Nikki

By Jim G (152.163.188.68) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 12:16 pm:

"Dinner Music For A Pack Of Hungry Cannibals"
"Egyptian Barn Dance" "Birdseed Special"
Raymond Scott

"Celery Stalks At Midnight" Will Bradley orch

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 12:17 pm:

....May an elephant ceress you with its toes
May your wife be plagued by runners in her hose
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
PhilH, you got it right.
"She Took The Green And Left Me With The Blues" is a great title, but I don't remember who did it.

By john dixon (205.188.209.38) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 01:39 pm:

doug, that reminded me--"She Got The Goldmine (I Got The Shaft) by Jerry Reed

By 1wicked (64.32.154.94) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 02:20 pm:

"Don't go fishin' today mommy...cause daddy's comin' home with the crabs...".....some little bar nabd in Texas...

By Ritchie (62.254.0.8) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 02:24 pm:

Well, this made me smile - "Dressed To Kill" by London Blues man Richie Milton:

Look what's just walked through the door
That dress she's wearin' should be against the law
It's clingin' to her body like a coat of paint
It's enough to make a sinner out of a saint...

By John Lester (217.41.77.88) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 02:59 pm:

I bought this record on UK London...it was by Shirley Ellis....Did You Ever See A Diver Kiss His Wife Whilst The Bubbles Bounce Above The Water. It still makes me smile!

And another one....I am not sure if I have the lyrics right but this is what I sing. It's by big bad-d-d Shorty Long on Soul records..

I got a pocketful o' money I'm just itching to spend
And a brand new set of teeth just to grin with..
So dont nobody mess with my weekend.

A vision of Shorty buying a set of teeth amuses me.

By mhc (172.164.28.206) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 03:40 pm:

"I Want Love and Affection, Not the House of Correction", by Nathaniel Mayer..

By FAYETTE (205.188.209.38) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 04:00 pm:

what about the worker's national anthem
TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT

By R&B (138.238.41.118) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 04:13 pm:

PRETTY AS A DAISEY,BUT LOOKOUT MAN SHE'S CRAZY,SHE'LL REALLY DO YOU IN,IF YOU LET HER GET UNDER YOUR SKIN,POISON IVY!

By stephanie (206.214.1.19) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 08:26 pm:

May Johhny Paycheck rest in peace he died the other day..
Stephanie

By PhilH (203.220.98.80) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 08:34 pm:

Another album title: "Black Music For White People" - Screamin' Jay Hawkins

Phil

By Mark Speck (65.56.219.164) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 10:43 pm:

Yet another great album, one that everyone should hear: "Dinner Music For People Who Aren't Very Hungry" by Spike Jones and His Orchestra.

Best,

Mark

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (205.188.209.38) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 07:07 pm:

I think this one may be out of the 'billing' here...
This here ('stump-jumper') was actually played on several of the country stations (WCXI) here in Detroit (during the late '70s) at that time--and I'm for real.


"DROP KICK ME JESUS THRU THE GOALPOSTS OF LIFE"

Drop kick me Jesus thru the goalpost of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight kick through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus thru the goalpost of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below (...he must be 'airborne' here)
I've got the will, Lord if you got the toe.

(Repeat opening chorus),

Take all the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick'em up front in the offensive line.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life
End over end neither left nor to right.
Straight thru the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life.

Yeah,

Drop kick me Jesus thru the goalposts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight kick through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life.


Hey, didn't make exactly "TOP 10", but, it charted big on 'doo-hickee' country--and that WAS by BOBBY BARE... 'ya all!

By john dixon (205.188.209.38) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 07:18 pm:

Jim F, stump-jumper? "ya all"? You must have gotten your 'southern-speak' from "Dukes Of Hazzard" or "Beverly Hillbillies".

Down here we call that a ditty, y'all. Peace.

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (205.188.209.38) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 07:44 pm:

You want more?
How 'bout these for 'TOP 10' "country" greats.


1). "Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed"
2). Get Yer Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I Gotta Go Spit"
3). "Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure"
4). "How Can I Miss You (If You Won't Go Away).
5). "Drop Kick Me Jesus Thru The Goalposts Of Life"
6). "How Can You Believe Me When I Say I love You (When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life)"
7). "I've Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus, Into The HOLY GHOST Corral"
8). "I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life"
9). "I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Horse-Shoe'in"
10). "I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me"


Yep-pur, 'dems yer have it, if 'ya all can't sing 'em like 'kat', boy you just ain't country!!!

By sandy (64.12.97.7) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 07:53 pm:

there was a country song titled YOU LEFT YOUR
MARK ON ME

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (205.188.209.38) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 08:04 pm:

Yea Sandy,
Country seems to have these 'catchy' phrases like this one 'ditty' (that's on John Dixon) titled:

"If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You"

And peace y'all... John Dixon, my brother! :o)

By Dick Gamble (216.93.11.106) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 08:59 pm:

"I'm like a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store"

From Shake Rattle and Roll
By: Big Joe Turner

By john dixon (63.101.17.207) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 06:34 am:

well, Jim, I don't know whether to slap the dog, spit in the fire, or shut my mouth...

Think I'll wisely opt for the latter.

By PhilH (203.221.53.135) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 09:25 am:

Jim:

"How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You, etc" country? Don't think so - it was sung by Fred Astaire & Jane Powell in the MGM musical ROYAL WEDDING. (This is the movie where Fred dances on the ceiling and walls - one day I'll figure out how it was done!)


Phil

By john dixon (63.101.17.207) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 10:00 am:

PhilH, ask Lionel Richie, he knows how.

By Livonia Ken (136.2.1.101) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 10:06 am:

Phil H

The whole room rotated and the camera was fixed to it so it appeared to be stationary. The choreagraphy was coordinated with the rotation.

I have arched an eyebrow and tried not to giggle at the Gene Pitney hit "24 Hours from Tulsa". There's that line "And that is when I saw her/As I pulled in outside of the small motel she was there/And so I walked up to her, asked where I could get something to eat/And she showed me where."

I guess I need to get my mind out of the gutter.

Regards,
Ken

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 10:13 am:

PhilH.....
......they used a revolving room.

By rhythmqueen (205.167.128.2) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 02:07 pm:

How about this one---"I love the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel in the picture on the billboard in the field near the big ol' highway....

By cleoharvey (160.79.83.208) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 02:53 pm:

I always laugh out loud when I hear "My Baby's Daddy." I am not sure of the name of the group that does it, but very funny. If I am not mistaken Best of My Love is sampled behind the song.

By Fury13 (12.2.196.17) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 03:19 pm:

I get a laugh out of "I Don't Like You That Much" by the Royal Jokers...

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (64.12.97.7) on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 04:38 pm:

Hi PhilH,

Geez...
I don't know how to quite answer that one!

But maybe, and this is my speculation--it is possible the 'number' you had mentioned above was actually an old 'country' number... which FRED ASTAIRE and JANE POWELL had 'adaptated' for the MGM Musical which you had brought out.

But then, I could be wrong, and, what the hell I know about 'country' anyway?

Oh, by the way... all these country titles were 'culled' from the internet under the search, "country lyrics".

Anyway, here's a couple of more:
"She Won't Get Under Me, Till I Get Over You"
"She Got The Ring, I Got The Finger"

By Mark Speck (65.56.57.5) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 12:10 am:

"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Believe in Jesus"--Jimmy Buffett

"I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home"--David Frizzell (brother of the late, great Lefty)

"She Left Love All Over Me"--Razzy Bailey

Best,

Mark

By Jim Dunn (24.46.200.124) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 01:00 am:

Here's a few I don't think have been mentioned.

When The Bed Breaks Down, I'll Meet You In The Spring- Incredible Bongo Band

You're Not Good Looking But You're Presentable- Nolan Strong ( don't think you'd score too many points with that line)

By KevGo (64.115.26.80) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 01:01 pm:

"I Hate You In The Daytime (But I Love You At Night)" - Masters of Soul (produced by Andre Williams for Duke/Peacock Records)

"...Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is close to the booooooooonnnnne!" - from the live version of "Beauty Is Only Skin Deep" found on the TEMPTATIONS LIVE! album.

Kevin Goins - KevGo

By mhc (172.136.222.229) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 02:01 pm:

Bo Diddley had a song on one of his albums called "Put the Shoes on Willy"; you can't beat that for a title. And no matter how may times I hear "Say Man", it's funny every time.

By Ritchie (62.254.0.9) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 02:35 pm:

My mind boggles every time I hear the Coasters' line:

"Little Egypt came out struttin'
Wearin' nuthin' but a button and a bow"

By Aljaydu (68.18.115.53) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 05:07 pm:

Hey...y'alls a bunch of fools in here!!! Reading this stuff's got me rolling on the floor.
Did any of this stuff sell???????? lol

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (152.163.188.68) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 06:55 pm:

Listen....
I don't know whether these ever 'sold' and I don't care whether these are real or not, but the internet says THEY ARE... 'country'!

But these are not (by any stretch of the imagination) your average 'country' "TOP 10"... but I'd just as soon listen to these 'dittys' on any 'country' radio station, if all else, if anything... just for a good laugh!


a). "Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone"
b). "I You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will"
c). "Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)"
d). "My Best Friend Ran Off With My Wife, And I Do Sure Miss Him"
e). "You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly"
f). "Listen Boy, You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too"


Now Jim--that's enough for now.

By STUBASS (206.135.204.2) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 07:06 pm:

I'M IN!!!...OLD R&B CLASSIC FROM THE EARLY 60'S!!!..."IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE"...NEVER MAKE A PRETTY WOMAN YOUR WIFE...SO FROM MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW...GET AN UGLY GIRL TO MARRY YOU!!!...EVERYONE REMEMBER THIS JIMMY SOUL CLASSIC???...STU

By thecount (65.60.201.174) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 07:23 pm:

I went downtown shopping foe a suit the other day,
walked in the department stoew,
got on the elevator and told the girl,
dry goods floe,
the salesman come up to me and said,
now what can I do foe you?
show me all those spoet clothes,like you spose to,
why show buddy,come on in and dig all these suits we got on the shelves,
he say,pick yoeself out one,try it on,
stand in the mirror and dig yoeself.
(oooooohh---oooohh--ooohh-oooh-oohh-oooooooohhh)
that suit is pure harringbone,
yea,that the suit I would like to own.

It's a box bac western cut with the flap over twice,
(now aint that nice,oooh-oooohh-oohh-oooh-ooohh)
BY THE "COASTERS"--shopping for clothes

"COUNT"

By john dixon (152.163.188.68) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 07:31 pm:

hey Count, I was reading an obituary of Billy Guy in Mojo today and I thought of "Shopping For Clothes" and it's been stuck in my head. I love that song; it's a real stitch!

By Aljaydu (68.18.115.53) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 07:55 pm:

HAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahahah

By Aljaydu (68.18.115.53) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 07:56 pm:

This HAS to be the most I've laughed all day. Thanks people.

By thecount (65.60.201.174) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 08:11 pm:

HEY JOHN,-Them buttons are solid gold,
you gots a deal,sold,
Iam sorry my man but yo credit didn't go thru,why what chew mean,?
I gots a good job sweepin the floes everyday,
aint this a shame,my heart is in pain.
(uumm-uum-ummmm,pure harringbone)

"COUNT"

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (152.163.188.68) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 09:25 pm:

Hey STUBASS....
My favorite line from that classic JIMMY SOUL hit was that one verse which gave this 'sound' advice, so listen up:


Don't let your friends say
you have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch.

Say man.
Hey Baby.
Saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, she's ugly.
Yeah, she's ugly but she sure can cook.
Yeah? Okay.

Even as it was back then, so it is found today in many, a "happy" home....

An ugly woman cooks her meals
on time,
She'll always give you peace
of mind.

Unfortunately, well... (I didn't get so lucky).

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 09:31 pm:

In the spring, a young man's heart (and mine) turns to....
....."Talking Baseball", Michael Franks
and "Van Lingo Mungo", a song made up entirely of old ball players names.
but...
there's a song titled "Day After Day" (I THINK), by whom I don't know. I've thrown it at Stu before, but it brings a chuckle to me.

Day after day,
more people come to LA
Susshhhh, better not tell them
The whole things slippin' away

Where do you go
When there's no San Diego
Better get ready to tie up
The boat in Idaho.

It refers to the day the "big one" hits the California coast.

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (152.163.188.68) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 10:21 pm:

Here's another amusing, 'great' R&B exchange I used to always love listening to--on record!

Say man,
What's that boy?
I want to tell you 'bout your girlfriend,
What about my girl?
Well, you don't look strong enough to take the message,
I'm strong enough,
I might hurt your feelings,
My feelings are already hurt by being here with you,
Well, I was walking down the street with your girl the other day,
Ah-ha,
And the wind was blowin' real hard,
Is that right?
And the wind blew her into my face,
Ah-ha,
You know what else happened?
What happened?
The wind blew her hair into her face,
Yeh?
And we went a little further; you wanna hear the rest of it?
I might as well,
The wind blew her hair into the street!
Ok; since you told me about my girl, I'm gonna tell you about yours. I was walking down the street with your girl,
Yes?
I took her home, for a drink, you know,
Took her home?
Yeh, jus' for a drink,
Oh,
But that chick looked so ugly, she had to sneak up on the glass to get a drink of water!
You've got the nerver to call somebody ugly;
why you so ugly the stork that brought you in the world oughta be arrested!
That's alright; my momma didn't have to put a sheet on my head so sleep could slip up on me!
Look-a here!
What's that?
Where are you from?
South America,
What's that?
South America,
You don't look like no South American to me,
I'm still from South America,
What part?
South Texas!
Where are your working boots at?
I've got 'em on,
Those aren't no boots you got on; those brogans!
Hey, look-a here!
What's that?
I've bin tryin' to figure out what you is,
I already figured out what YOU is!
What's that?
You that thing I throw peanuts at!
Look-a here!
What's that?
You should be ashamed of yourself,
Why?
Calling people ugly,
I didn't call you ugly,
What you say?
I said you was ruined, that's all!
You know somethin'?
What?
You looked like you've been whooped with a ugly-stick!
Hey! I ain't got nothin' to do with it, but I beat that fella right... !


The R&B classic, "SAY MAN", was recorded by Bo Diddley and was released in 1959.

By the way, the alternate lines on 'record' were spoken by BO DIDDLEY, and was exchanged with JEROME GREEN.

You know, whever I heard the imaginative lyrics in "HEY MAN", there was this abrupt 'grin' showing real big... on MY face!

By STUBASS (206.135.204.2) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 10:30 pm:

GOOD PICK THERE JIM!!!...HEY...I'LL BET THAT WHEN *YOU* WERE A KID...YOUR MOM HAD TO HANG A PORK CHOP AROUND YOUR NECK...JUST TO GET THE DOG TO PLAY WITH YA!!!...STU

By thecount (65.60.201.174) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 10:53 pm:

HEY LYNN,looks like we got some competition here to play the dozens with us.
Hey JIM,how about "SAY MAN BACK AGAIN"
another BO DIDDLEY (put downs)
SAY MAN,oh-oh,here comes trouble,where you been?
I been away,
you been in jail aint cha(hee-hee)
now how come I had to be in jail?
you keep messin around my ol lady your going back
say man,
yea
speaking about your ol lady,I seen that new girl ya got,
yea,she nice?
yea,she gots everything a man would want,
moustach,hair on her chest,everthing.
aww,thats wasn't my ol lady,
who was it then?,
that was yo wife.(hhheeee-hheeehhee)

"COUNT"

By john dixon (205.188.209.38) on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 11:26 pm:

Roger Miller had some really inspired funny bits.
Sometimes the simplest are the funniest: from "Dang Me"
Roses are red
Violets are purple
Sugar is sweet
And so is maple surple.

Then there's:

My uncle used to love me but she died
A chicken ain't chicken till it's lickin' good fried...

I love Roger's song about the field-tripping high school kids who find a moonshine still, "Chug-A-Lug"
I said lemme have a big old sip
Brrrr, I done a double backflip

And nowhere are the perks and pits of local celebrityhood summed up better than at the very end of "Kansas City Star" when he mutters in shame,"stay tuned we got a Popeye cartoon coming up in just a minute..."

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (64.12.97.7) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 04:51 am:

STUBASS,
Yea, but w' all heard that you were SO UGLY when you were a kid, your Mom used to FEED YOU across the room with a sling-shot!

By thecount (65.60.201.174) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 05:07 pm:

This could also be on the TRAIN THREAD,
"ROCK ISLAND LINE"--STAN FREBERG(you didn't let me get to the sheep!I really dont think that matters.Well,it matters to the sheep)

Say Man,lookie here,when you was born,you so ugly your parents named you "SHIT HAPPENS"

"COUNT"

By rhythmqueen (199.180.18.5) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 06:35 pm:

How about this one---"So round so firm so fully packed, that's my gal. so complete from front to back, that's for me, always has a money back --guarantee.
So round so firm so fully packed, she's a whiz, always wears a 45---gun that is..."
Bill Monroe

By STUBASS (206.135.204.2) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 06:43 pm:

JIM: HOW'D YOU KNOW *THAT*!!!...STU

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (152.163.188.68) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 07:02 pm:

'YO, he's so UGLY that when he was born, his (redneck) 'mammy' saw the 'afterbirth' and happily shouted, "...IT'S TWINS"!

By john dixon (152.163.188.68) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 07:36 pm:

thanks Jim, you saved me a meal with that visual.

By PhilH (203.221.56.80) on Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 04:45 am:

rhythmqueen - "Girl On The Billboard" by Del Reeves, great choice!

Thanks for the advice about Freddie Astaire's revolving room, guys (talk about bleedin' obvious...)

Two great funny titles off a Swamp Dogg LP:
"California Is Drowning And I Live By The River"
"The Love We Got Ain't Worth Two Dead Flies" (duet with the fabulous Esther Phillips)

Phil

By PhilH (203.221.56.80) on Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 04:52 am:

Another country gem is Tex Williams' "Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)" from 1947, apparently Capitol's first million seller, for the lines "Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate that you hates to make him wait, but you just got to have another cigarette". The sad irony of this one is that Tex died from lung cancer.

Phil

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (205.188.209.38) on Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 09:27 pm:

Hey, someone else (on the internet) had brought this one out, of a 'possible' parallel that was drawn, found in the lyrics to the song, "LOVE POTION NUMBER NINE".


1.
I took my troubles down to Madame Ruth,
You know that gypsy with a gold-capped tooth,
She's got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
Sellin' littles bottles of, Love Potion Number Nine.
2.
I told here I was 'a flop with chics',
I've been this was since 1956,
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign,
She said "what you need is, Love Potion Number Nine".

BRIDGE
She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink,
She said "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink",
It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink,
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink

3.
I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissin' everything in sight,
But when I kissed a cop down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
He broke my little bottle of, 'Love Potion Number Nine".

------guitar solo------

I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink

I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissin' everything is sight,
But when I kissed a cop down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
He broke my little bottle of, "Love Potion Number Nine,
Love Potion Number Nine
Love Potion Number Nine
Love Potion Number Nine

"LOVE POTION NUMBER NINE"
- written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller
- as recorded by The SEARCHERS


The telling part of the song was, pointedly, this one sentence... "I told her that I was a 'flop' with chicks...."

Based on that line, the very question had been raised--
"Do you see ANY parallel, of any semblance between VIAGARA, and that of... "LOVE POTION NUMBER NINE"?

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 10:04 pm:

.......that's a hard one to answer.....

By John Lester (213.123.114.217) on Friday, February 28, 2003 - 02:38 am:

A title that makes me chuckle has just been on the radio..........Slow Hand - Pointer Sisters

Maybe it's my mind that needs a good spring clean!

By rhythmqueen (12.64.60.139) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 12:37 am:

Jim, I'm glad I wasn't the only one that thought of viagara when I hear that song.

What about "you work your fingers to the bone and what do you get? bony fingers" Hoyt Axton

By Horse (68.61.77.137) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 12:44 am:

She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink,

With a line like that, who needs viagra..?

By MEL&THEN SOME (195.219.7.44) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 02:50 am:

How about Slim Gaillard's classic title and lyrics on
'who put the benzedrine,in Mrs Murphys ovaltine'.
Apart from the title etc,he even asks 'who put the Nembatol,in Mr Murphys overalls'.
Lots of Slims records are lyrically funny,remember 'Cement Mixer'.
Mel.

By stuckinthe60s (66.55.18.18) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 09:26 pm:

First I Look At The Purse by the Contours. People still can't believe Smokey Robinson wrote this song.

By STUBASS (206.135.204.2) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 09:39 pm:

YEA HORSE...SHE MUST HAVE BEEN *SOME* FILLY!!!...STU

By thecount (65.60.201.174) on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 10:30 pm:

Excuse me sir,could you tell us how the saucers were able to lan?
Well you see the motor kooled down,the heat went down.
And that was HUCKLE BERRYS recordig,the motor kooled down.
We are not going to interupt this song,yes we are the flying saucers are real,
TOO REAL BUT MY HEART CANT CONCEAL_EL_EL_EL
that was the CLATTERS recording with TOO REAL.

All of BUCHANAN and GOODMANS novelty songs were a good chuckle. DICKIE GOODMAN was one of the most ever sued recording artist due to all the songs he would dub into his records,but he kept doing it for years.

"COUNT"

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (152.163.188.68) on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 05:13 pm:

Hey... now listen up,
With all jest aside, if there was ever of any songs that I would still find 'amusing' lyrically, this title is definately only one of (just) 'two' 'novelty' songs, which seemingly, always come to my mind.

And, here it is (with a 'grin')--


(Mother in Law) Mother in Law
(Mother in Law) Mother in Law

The worst person I know, (mother-in law, mother-in law)
A she worries me, so (mother in law, mother in law)
If she leaves us alone
A we would have a happy home
Sent from down below

Mother in Law Mother in Law

Satan should be her name, (mother in law, mother in law)
To me they're about the same (mother in law, mother in law)
Every time I open my mouth
She steps in, tries to put me out
How could she stoop so low? (mother in law, mother in law)

---instrumental break---

I come home with my pay (mother in law, mother in law)
She asks me what I made (mother in law, mother in law)
She thinks her advice is the constitution
But if she would leave that would be the solution
And don't come back no more (mother in law, mother in law)

Mother in Law
My......mother in law, AH
Oh yeah... (fade)

("MOTHER IN LAW" was by Ernie K-Doe)


Now guys, after having heard of this 'classic' MOTHER-IN-LAW 'anthem', the question would have to be... now really, at one time or another, did *YOURS* ever come to mind?

By Jim Feliciano in Detroit. (205.188.209.38) on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 07:14 pm:

Okeh 'ya 'Chuckleheads',
Here's one other (classic) 'chuckler' that used to bring about a heartie 'chuckle chuckle', everytime we used to hear those funny lyrics every time we used to hear it played on the radio, and of course you would agree THIS WAS THE ONE:


"MR.CUSTER"
by Larry Verne

[Indian drums throughout]
[Indian war whoops]

(That famous day in history, the men of the 7th Calvary, went marchin' on)
(And from the rear a voice was heard, a brave young man with a tremblin' word rang loud and clear)
--What am I doin' here???

Pleas Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go
Hey, Mr. Custer, please don't make me go
I had a dream last night about the comin' fight
Somebody yelled "attack!"
And there I stood with a arrow in my back.

Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go (forward HO!!!) --aaww

SPOKEN: Look at them bushes out there
They're moving and there's an injun behind every one
Hey, Mr. Custer--you mind if I be excused the rest of the afternoon?
HEY CHARLIE, DUCK YER HEAD!!!
[sound of arrow whizzing by]
Hmmm... you're a little bit late on that one, Charlie
Ooh, I bet 'dem smarts!

(They were sure of victory, the men of the 7th Calvary, as they moved on)
(But then from the rear a voice was heard, that same brave voice with the trembling word, rang loud and clear)
--What am I doin' here???

Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go
Listen, Mr. Custer, please don't make me go
There's a redskin a-waitin' out there, just fixin' to take my hair
A coward I've been called, 'cuz I don't wanna wind up dead or bald

Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go (forward HO!!!) --aaww

SPOKEN: I wonder what the injun word for friend is-- let's see -- friend-- kemo sabe, that it
KEMO SABE!, HEY OUT THERE, KEMO SABE!
--Nope, that ain't it
Look at them darned injuns
They're running around like a bunch of wild Indians-- heh, heh
Nah, this ain't no time for jokin'

[sound of arrow whizzing by]
[sound of arrows whizzing by]


Chuckles... that (nervous) 'voice', and those (silly) 'lyrics' as it was characterized by Larry Verne, well... that is why(ultimately), "...CUSTER", became one of the greatest 'novelty' *hits* of all time!

...Oh by the way, "PLEASE MR. CUSTER" peaked at the #1 position on the BILLBOARD charts, in October, 1960.

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 07:18 pm:

Reminded me of "Big Irving" by Frank Gallop
".....the one hundred and forty first fastest gun (rimshot)in the west."

By soulie dave uk (62.254.64.5) on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 05:06 am:

Theres a line in "I'm a big man" by Big Daddy Rogers that allways make me laugh.

"The people try and tell you that I dont love you
Better not believe them coz I will hurt you
I'm gonna take you to the wood shed
and drop a couple of planks on you"

?????????

By BankHouseDave (195.93.50.9) on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 06:44 am:

I was going to metnion First I look at the Purse.

What's the ugliest part of your body?
What's the ugliest part of your body?
Some say your nose
Some say your toes
I think it's your mind

by the late great Frank Zappa

By douglasm (68.113.15.28) on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 10:34 am:

Ahem....
...actually the one hundred and forty second fastest gun.